The beginning and the end…

To begin talking about my Second Life I must start by talking about the end of my Second Life.  I left Second Life on Thursday January 29, 2009 for very personal reasons and deep convictions pertaining to my Real Life. I did not say goodbye to any of my friends only my wife, Yar Telling. Perhaps the “method” in which I chose to end my Second Life has some of my friends questioning my motives. Perhaps, the fact that I did not personally tell my friends I was leaving but rather let my wife tell them is the cause for the confusion and maybe even anger. I realise the hardest part of losing someone is not being able to tell them good-bye. So for all of you who are my friends in Second Life this Blog is dedicated to you.

As my profile states in Picks, you (my friends) are the road map of my Second Life and I hope to post something here about each of you.  But first, I must set the record straight about why I left SL suddenly and why I could not say good bye.

First of all I did not leave SL because there is something wrong in Yar and my relationship. In fact the opposite is true. The hardest part of leaving SL is leaving her there. We still talk in an alternative Instant Messaging service, and have grown even closer, I think, since I left SL.  Secondly nothing happened in SL with a friend or a sim or a Mistress or anything like that.  I do not have an alt that I am using. Rayn is me and I am her.  Yes I did have an alt that was built for a single purpose and after using that alt outside that reason, Yar nipped that in the bud immediately.  No that is not why I left SL either.  As you will find out if you keep reading, my reaons for leaving SL were deeply personal and solely based on Real Life (RL).

Pretty much anyone you ask will say that SL is addictive. For me even more so. I have what “experts” call an addictive personality.  I wish that meant people were addicted to being around me but unfortunately that is not true.  Both my parents struggled with alcoholism, yet somehow I have managed to stay away from alcohol, tobacco and drugs. I drink alcohol on occassion but it just has never done much for me. I have never smoked tobacco or taken any kind of illegal drug. For the most part, by the grace of God, I have managed to avoid becoming addicted to anything, until SL.

If you look at my birthday it coincides with the day after an episode of CSI that featured SL.  Many of my friends that I made early in my SL had the same birthday as me. Coincidence, perhaps. CSI fans? Most likely. Save one bettyJoe Nitely a.ka. BJ, who I will talk about in great detail in a later post.

Anyway back to why I had to leave SL. In order to understand why I had to leave SL you must first understand how I got there and how my addiction to it spiraled out of control…jsut kidding …it was never truly out of control but certainly was heading in that direction.

When I first logged on to SL, I was mostly interested in exploring and perhaps experiencing things that I could not or would not in RL. I did not log on to SL looking for BDSM sims but I quickly landed there. To be honest I do not really think I even knew what BDSM stood for let alone know what all it involved. Regardless, of my innocence or naivety I somehow managed to end up at Stonehaven on my first day or second day in SL. Stonehaven (SH) is truly the best sim in SL. Stonehaven features cages, and basically anything a person into BDSM could possibly ask for.  But what keeps you coming back to SH is the people there. Probably 90% of the people on my friends list, are there because of SH.  I do not recall how exactly I ended up at SH but I think I had done a search on games or mazes or something like that. When I arrived at Stonehaven I looked around and as I read the warning on the wall about cages traps and being captured, I stood there like a noob (which I was) afraid to move.  I even considered teleporting out, but my curiosity got the better of me.  I instinctively walked toward the cage room and there was this lady with a man on a leash crawling on all fours. My initial thought was WTF. Why would anyone allow someone to treat them that way, but it piqued my curiosity. I asked someone standing around what that was and what it meant. I call it the BDSM 101 lesson. The next day I did a search on BDSM and found this place where I met my first Mistress, Sinuna. I do not intend to tell my entire SL story in this blog, but felt I needed to explain how it became so addictive to me. In one acronym BDSM.

Fast forward to a little over a year later and here I am righting this blog that is getting way to long and still have not explained why I left. Perhaps this is enough for now. My next blog will be my apology to all my friends I left behind.


About raynhalfpint

Webster's defines addiction as "surrendering oneself to something obsessively or habitually."
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