Forgiveness means…

The definition of forgiveness is the act of excusing a mistake or offense. It means wiping the slate clean, never to have that transgression brought up again. I recently found myself on the receiving end of forgiveness (to be quite honest for some pretty serious offenses). Not long after that, it was brought to my attention that I have failed to forgive someone in my past who hurt my wife and a dear friend of mine quite deeply. From prior experience, I knew she was a lying manipulative wench, but hurting those I love was the last straw. This blog is about my thoughts on forgiveness.

The difference in my mind between me and the person I mentioned earlier is that I sought forgiveness with no expectation of receiving it. The other person to this day does not see that she has done any wrong. This causes me to raise the following two questions:

Is forgiveness only to be given if it is sought?


Is it a gift to be given even if the person does not even realise they have committed an offense?

To me it seems like it is the former but should be the latter. Forgiveness is for the benefit of the giver not the receiver. I would love to hear your thoughts on this.


About raynhalfpint

Webster's defines addiction as "surrendering oneself to something obsessively or habitually."
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3 Responses to Forgiveness means…

  1. Tania says:

    My thoughts on that point are actually more feelings than anything else.
    The best way to sum it up would be to just say that it depends… on oh so many things.
    But I want to believe human beings are not fundamentally mean. I believe in some kind of a balance, that has nothing to do with common moral, but with chains of reactions. What you go through changes the way you see things, what you do changes the world you live in.
    Nevertheless, some thing are beyond my forgiveness, not because I don’t want to forgive, but because I’m not able to. That’s the only limitation of forgiveness I find acceptable.
    On a sidenote, Christopher served the devil before he became christophoros, the one who bears the christ. I’m not a religious person, but I find the parable to make sense here.

  2. For me, there’s forgiveness and then there’s forgiveness. How’s that for ambiguous? Or rather there’s forgiveness and there’s reconciliation. Or to put it yet another way, there’s forgiveness and there is letting go.

    The person who sought out forgiveness, is the one who truly is forgiven. The mistake is cleaned up, the breach is healed. The relationship repaired.

    The person who did not seek out forgiveness never does actually receive it. Nothing is cleaned up, no healing, no repairing.

    What some people call forgiveness in the latter case I call letting go. You let go of the hurt, the disappointment, the breach of trust/of the relationship. You choose not to let it hurt you anymore. In a sense in becomes “Okay”. But it’s not truly forgiven, because there’s no reconciliation in the relationship. A mistake cannot be cleaned up until it’s acknowledged as a mistake. And if there’s no mistake acknowledged, how can it be forgiven?

    I think Tania’s point about forgiveness some times not being possible is well taken. There are people in the world who have hurt me such that I do not care ever to reconcile, to heal the relationship, to forgive.

    By relationship here I mean any kind of relationship, from a marriage to a Dom/sub, to the relationship you have with the person who does your dry-cleaning.

    On a lighter note, speaking of forgiveness, did you ever forgive me for egregious offense of sitting on Your chair, Rayn? I honestly can’t remember, and if I didn’t seek it out, then please, _please_ forgive me. 🙂

  3. Tania says:

    I realize I wasn’t so clear when quoting Christopher’s story. He never sought forgiveness, as he never realized that serving the devil was a fault, but was forgiven the day he decided to serve god. I’ll add that he did not even do for anything but the pride of serving the greatest lord, and was picky about the way to serve him.
    I think he was forgiven because he essentially deserved it, not because he earned it, and I find it very important to distinguish between those two notions.
    About what Corvan said on relationships, I think one has to aknowledge the pain or sorrow an action caused, in order to heal the relationship. What is or is not a fault is far too subjective to be considered determinant.

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