In my previous post, I hinted a little about Total Power Exchange (TPE). I have also written in a previous post that Mistress and I have talked about TPE and have decided to slowly head in that direction. Friends have talked to me about TPE in the past and I literally thought they were nuts to want to give up that kind of control even in SL. For the purpose of this discussion, I will be talking about TPE in SL understanding that there is a potential for it to bleed into RL, afterall it is a state of mind. I am not good at compartmentalizing my SL feelings from my RL feelings. If my feelings are hurt in SL, am I not hurt RL? I probably get over things that happen in SL more quickly than I would if the same thing happened RL, but that is not what this post is about. This post is about my journey toward TPE with my SL Mistress.
If you have not read my previous posts about my Mistress, go back and read them first. Jumping into this post without the sake of background information will make it harder to understand.
I first heard about TPE a couple of years ago when my SL wife was talking about going down that path with her Mistress. This post is not about them or how that worked out but I bring it up to say this: I thought my wife was literally insane when she said she was going to ask her Mistress for that type of control. I did not understand it at all, partially I think because I was not in a relationship with a “present” Mistress at that time (Fawn was gone to RL) and I was still fairly new to BDSM and its terminology. I did not have a clue back then what it meant to truly submit either. I was a very self-centered brat (still am in a lot of ways) and the only person I really aimed to please was myself.
Fast forward to my present SL and Mistress Tania Owatatsumi. I cannot describe what it is about Mistress that makes me want to not only serve her but totally submit to her. She has had too many girls to count throw themselves at her feet I am sure. For me, the desire to submit is totally there, but I am still lacking in ability at present time to give up all of my freedom. That is why I have said TPE is a journey not a s destination. For me, I could never say nor do I think my Mistress would want me to say, “OK, I am totally submitted. Do with me what you wish” without some clarification of expectations. It just would not work. There are many degrees of control in which to give. To say that I would be totally fine with giving them all up at once would be ridiculous and I think would lead to failure. For example when teaching a child to swim, do you just pick the child up and throw them in the deep end and say OK swim?” No, you get them acquainted with the water, and slowly help them to want to go deeper and deeper. That is what Mistress is doing right now. She is helping me slowly go deeper and deeper into submission.
In my next post, I will talk about some of the struggles I have in my journey toward TPE.