*warning this is a rant*
Why is it that the harder you try to have a relationship with difficult members of the family, the more frustrated you become. I know all families have their black sheep but I am beginning to think my entire family is just odd, or maybe I am the odd one for wanting to have a relationship with them. Either way this past week has been one of the most difficult of my life. A year ago tomorrow someone very important to me died. It was actually at this time I realized I could not depend on my family members for any kind of emotional support. Death of a loved one certainly does not bring out the best in people. Yes, I realize we were all grieving, but do you have to take that as an opportunity to flaunt your dislike for certain family members? Although, I was not directly impacted by other people’s immaturity, I was hurt to see others treat each other badly. I decided at that point I needed to step back and reassess the situation.
In the past year, I have removed myself completely from the extended family. It has become apparent over this past week I have not removed myself far enough. There really is only one person in my family that has always been there for me no matter what, and she died last year.
Where does this leave me? dazed and confused. I know I should love others where they are, not where I want them to be but right now it really feels impossible. What can I do? Nothing, except pray for them. Pray for them to wake up some day from their insanity because until then I cannot see me having a relationship with any of them at all.